One day in 2009, while I was meditating I asked; “How does one fall in love with self?”
I’d heard, read, and listened to more sources say that all you need to do is love yourself and everything would be better. But after each encounter I walked away still feeling confused and unfulfilled. It seemed that no one could give me the exact meaning of what that really meant. So, on that morning I set my intention. From the depths of my being I really wanted to know and understand what is meant to fall in love with myself, and not the superficial forms of self-love, like treating yourself to the spa or skipping that bowl of ice cream. I wanted to know and understand the big truth, the grandest version and highest expression of being self-actualized and deeply in love with the core of my being.
There is a Tao saying that states: “When the student is ready, the teacher appears.” There I sat; trying so hard to clear my mind of all the ways I was trying to figure this self-love thing out. The more I tried to get quiet the more questions popped up. Then, after my increasing frustration and sheer exhaustion, “I wondered what the first step looks like?” I sat there and tried to mentally figure out where the first step was on that path of self-love. It was in that moment I ‘heard’ and ‘saw’ my answer. I was flooded with what I can only describe as an instant knowing of the answer… and from whom the answer was coming from.
“The first step of the process of self-love starts with you. It is a journey into the depths of remembering and feeling that you that is beyond the mirror.” Up until that moment, many of the things that I had been doing were focused outside of me, which were depleting me of love and my life force. I began to ‘see’ a field of water wells that went deep into the ground. As I proceeded to move through the field, I saw men standing near each of the wells. After observing the field for a minute I waited for the understanding of the meaning. I listened and ‘heard’, “The well is you. It represents the great feminine energy of all women. For these vessels contain the vital life force and love that is to nurture all others. And from this place, all others drink and are nourished. It is of the most importance that you, the well, be full.”
“The guardians of the wells are the men, the masculine spirit. Each guardian knows of the importance of the feminine spirit and from where the water flows. He is to protect each well to ensure that nothing spoils the water or drains it of its supply. And in return, he is nourished with life force and love.”
As I continued through the field, I could see that the connection of the feminine and the masculine was out of balance. Many of the men looked beaten down and drained of life energy and many of the wells were empty and drained of life energy also. In that moment, I understood interconnectedness of all things. The connection of men and women, the connection of physical and non-physical, and the connection of the feminine and masculine within each of us have been neglected and at times severed. For the masculine protects the feminine, allowing it to continue to replenish with the sweet life force, and in return the feminine provides nourishment and a deeper connection of the life force to the masculine. It is the delicate and loving dance of life itself. For one cannot exist without the other.
Finally I understood the first step on this illusive self-love path. The first step was that each and every thing that I did was to come from the intention of love; love for me. When I washed the dishes, I told myself it was because I loved myself enough to bless myself with clean dishes. When I brushed my teeth; I did it because I loved myself. When I showered, it was from a place of love. When I cooked, it was from a place of love. Even when I scrubbed the floor it was from a place of self- love. Then one day it happened…I could feel that my well was finally full.
Jennifer Taylor is a certified spiritual and life coach in Cleveland, Ohio. She got her certification with World Coaching Institute (WCI) after working in the sales and marketing industry for 15 years. Jennifer works with people who want to find happiness, spiritual wellness and success through personal development in all areas of their lives. She is the owner of Your Life Mastered. To work with Jennifer, visit the site at www.yourlifemastered.com.